Laser Hair Removal Appt. 1 Results

I’ve put off doing a review of my first laser hair removal appointment so I could see how effective one session would be for me. Overall I’m pleased with the results…

When I went in for the appointment the ladies were extremely friendly and the practitioner kindly explained everything that was going to happen and made me feel really comfortable about the whole procedure. She even offered me a deal to get my underarms done as well at the same time as my lady-bits appointments. I took it, why not?

Pain -  A lot of people, myself included, are concerned about how much laser hair removal will hurt. The underarms went fine, it wasn’t unbearably painful and it gave me hope that my nether regions wouldn’t be too bad. Boy, was that hope misguided. It hurt like a bitch. Fun fact: we feel more pain on the left side of our body. I am definitely going to buy numbing gel for the next round.

Results – Already I’ve started to see patches where the hair isn’t growing in at all anymore! It looks like my vagina has the mange when it grows in and my underarms are patchy too. I have high hopes that the next year of treatments will go extremely well!

My next appointment is quickly approaching and I’m pretty excited! 

I'll see if I can get some pictures of my armpits for you. ;)

A date I'm pretty sure was orchestrated by Satan

To put it bluntly last night I experienced the date from my child free nightmares last night and this seemed like the most worthwhile place to tell my story…

To preface this the man already knew that I don’t want to have kids, that there’s nothing he can do to change my mind and he was disappointed by this but we agreed to go out to see if we could still be friends.

We get to this sushi restaurant that he says is the best place he’s ever been for sushi and as soon as we’re seated he waves the waitress over asking for water and then proceeds to tell me what we’re ordering because he can’t be bothered to let me skim the menu. Fine, he’s familiar with the place so I’m content to let him choose. Before the waitress returns with our drinks he gets up and tells me that he needs to talk to the chef about his special custom roll that he has here that’s not on the menu. When he returns he starts complaining about how the water hasn’t arrived. (I’m going to save myself some typing and let you know that he complained about getting water the entire time, I’m a little concerned that he was on something that made him incredibly thirsty) When the server returns with our drinks he explains to her what he wants, starts to tell her that he doesn’t want this specific kind of fish and then thinks better of it because I might like it and then tells her that he’s already talked to the chef about this custom roll and that it’s like this other roll on the menu.

Then once that’s all settled he then starts asking me why I don’t want to breed and the bingos begin and to my credit I answered all of his questions as best I could without telling him to shove it.

“Why don’t you want to have kids?”

• I don’t want to
• I like coming home to a quiet house and not having to take care of a kid after work.
• The idea of pregnancy and labour scare me to death.
• The idea of being responsible for raising a kid that isn’t a serial killer or a jerk is overwhelming.
• Kids are crying, pooping, money guzzlers.
• My genetics are bad. My mother had Crohn’s disease and died from cancer, her father was schizophrenic, my dad’s side are all alcoholics, I have severe psoriasis that I’m on medication for, I have depression and anxiety
• Epigenetics: the generations before me smoked and otherwise lead unhealthy lives so my offspring could suffer because of that.
• Humanity is already a scourge on the environment as it is and I don’t need to add to that.

“How will you feel fulfilled without being a mother?”

• Friends and family
• Travel
• My dog is amazing

 “You know you’re reducing your dating pool by being against children, right?”

• Considering I’m also an atheist and I can’t be bothered to deal with stupid people the dating pool is already pretty small and I’m okay with that. I am happy to be alone if the “one” doesn’t happen to cross my path.

“Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?”

• Friends and family
• My cat will happily eat my dead body and I’m okay with that.

“What if you meet you dream guy and he wants kids?”

• My dream guy doesn’t want kids either.

“But God wants you to.”

• I’m an atheist.
• God can suck it up, he gave me free will and my will is to be child free.

“God made childbirth painful because Eve committed the original sin.”

• And I can opt out of having to experience that.
• I’m more of a Lilith kind of girl.

“How could you know that you don’t want kids when you were so young?”

• How did you know you wanted kids so young?
• I hate kids.

These are but the ones I remember the day after and whenever I tried to change the subject he kept circling back to it. Then after my telling him I can’t handle spicy food he guilted me into eating his “special custom roll” which was slathered in spicy sriracha mayo and I wanted to cry.

And for kicks, other ridiculous things he said:

“I’m an atheist too, but one day I’m going to be a good person and become a Christian.”
…Uh what?

“Catholics aren’t real Christians because they baptize their children and raise them in the faith before they can decide for themselves.”
….I’m sorry, don’t Christians do the same thing? Maybe without the baby baptism?

“Spicy food evolved as a preservative for man.”
…Evolution doesn’t revolve around humans. And spicy plants evolved to be spicy to deter mammals from eating it so birds (who don't taste spiciness) would get to eat it and spread the plant's seeds far and wide with their poops.

By the end of it I wondered if my friends had somehow managed to prank me. They didn’t. 

I kind of wish it had been a prank.

Menstrual Cup Trial: Day 3

Third time is a charm, right?

Well it was fine through the night, no leaks or anything. But today I guess I didn't quite get the seal right because I was experiencing some leakage. It wasn't anything a panty liner couldn't handle and overall I'm still impressed with it.

As well today was the first heavy day of my period so this was the first time where taking the cup out was... messy. So it was... interesting and admittedly a little gross. I mean, I was expecting it so it wasn't really all that much of a surprise. But it was different from using a tampon. Not too different from using a pad though in terms of mess.

All in all I am impressed with this little cup. I don't feel it at all and it works pretty well.

I was talking to a friend today about it and she thought it sounded really gross, which I can understand. Admittedly I thought it was too when I first heard of it, but I'm really glad I gave it a try.

I think it's worth it as far as cost-effectiveness, efficacy and comfort. It's a wonder that it took so long to become more mainstream! They were patented in 1932!

Starting Laser Hair Removal

Long story short I don't want to shave my lady bits anymore and Groupon made it much more affordable. I found a deal in my area for $250 for a year of unlimited laser hair removal and I jumped on it.

Yesterday I went in for my patch test and consultation. It didn't take long and the woman, Michelle, was amazingly friendly. The patch test, she explained, isn't done in all clinics but it's to make sure that you wont have an allergic reaction to the laser. You could react to the nickel or the light itself.

Luckily I didn't react to the laser and it also helped me get an idea of what it would feel like. It reminded me of when you accidentally shock yourself (or others) at random. So in two weeks I will begin the process toward not having to deal with shaving my bits again!

I'm also considering doing my underarms at the same time - it would be $150 more for the Groupon for that area and I could do it at the same time.

I'll keep this posted on how it goes!

Menstrual Cup Recap of last night and Day 2

This is my Aunt Flow's first go around with the menstrual cup. 

My overall impression of the cup was great, until I tried to take it out. 

Unlike a tampon it doesn't just slide out easy peasy. Last night when I went to empty the cup I learned two things: my fingers are incredibly short and if something is suctioned to your vagina you panic and wonder if it's possible to flip it inside out. 

I struggled on my own for a good five minutes before grabbing my phone and looking for a youtube video about how to get the damn thing out. 

I feel like I owe this lady my life. Or my vagina. Maybe I'll just send her a Diva Cup bouquet. 

Thank you beautiful stranger!

She calls it doing the "poop flex" but basically what it is that you have to do is engage your kegels to push the cup out far enough to grab it and break the suction so you can pull it out. I tried it and though it was still an awkward struggle I managed and managed to do it again this morning. 

I'm sure with some practice I'll get the hang of this, but so far I'm dreading revisiting this in 12 hours. But hey, 12 hours is a long time and plenty worth it. 

Product Review: Vibease

This ladies and gents is the Vibease.

I'd been reading about it for a while and in February I finally got my hands on one and had some time to test it out and now I'm actually getting around to telling people about it.

So this little gadget is a wearable wireless bluetooth vibrator. It comes with an app that lets you control it from your phone, connect to a partner's phone from anywhere in the world and also has recorded stories available for download that work in tandem with the vibrations.

I know that's a lot to take in all at once.

What mystical vibrator is this with all these features? Surely it must be witchcraft!

So I'm going to break my review down into parts to make sure I cover all the bases.

Basics: It works as a stand-alone wireless clitoral vibrator as well. There are two buttons on it that turn it on and change the vibration pattern. It's made out of soft silicone and the website says it's waterproof but they do advise that you don't submerge it under water in the instructions. It has a USB plugin and the charge lasts a fair amount of time.

Quick Play: The app has several modes. The first mode is called "quick play" and it's basically a touch screen box that changes the strength and speed depending on where you place the cursor.

Story Mode: The app starts you out with three scenery stories, but don't be discouraged, if you go into the store on the app you can download plenty of free or paid stories that are actually erotic stories and so far I've only used free ones and they're quite good. Some sensual stranger's voice tells you all about the naughty things they want to do to you and the vibrator plays right along with it. For someone like me who enjoys reading erotica novels this is a lot of fun.

*There is mention as well that you or your partner can create their own stories as well, but I've yet to tamper with this.

Chat Mode: The app has it's own chat interface and through the chat your partner, friend or chat roulette random can take control of your vibease from anywhere in the world. I haven't really seen the control panel aspect of this app, but from what I've experienced the user can either use the same touch block as the Quick Play mode or cycle through difference sequences. The chat lets you send messages, pictures and share a fantasy, which I assume is the create a fantasy option. So far this is my favourite feature. There's something delicious about knowing someone else is controlling it.

So far I love the Vibease and I look forward to trying more products like it in the future. It runs for about $120 usually, but it almost always seems to have a deal on that brings it down to around $100.

If anyone who stumbles across this has any questions about the Vibease or my experience with it feel free to leave them in the comments and I'll answer them.

Tata for now lovies!

Menstruation Cup Trial: Day 1

Between my last period and this one I saw a youtube video that said that tampons and pads take a ridiculously long time to decompose. I just tried looking for like half an hour and I can't seem to find the video now, if I find it I will post it. Anyways! It struck a chord with me.

I had been considering trying a menstrual cup for almost a year now and I kept talking myself out of it for various reasons.

It seemed expensive.
I didn't know if I would like it.
I read when I was researching my IUD (still best decision ever, by the way) that one girl had hers sucked out by her IUD (terrifying)

But once it dawned on me that I'd also be helping curb my impact on the environment I decided to take the plunge. Literally. It's like a tiny plunger.

The Diva Cup runs for about $40 here and to me that seemed a bit much for trying something out. So I poked around on Amazon and found another brand for $20 here. It delivered within the week and I began waiting for my next period to try it out.

So the day has come! Albeit, it's 5 days earlier than I or my period tracking app were expecting, but what can you do? I had a feeling though, since my skin has been breaking out and TED Talks videos were making me weepy yesterday. Clear signs, ladies!

I had to wait until after I got home from work to start, but now here I am, tampon free and so far so good... let's recap.

Inserting It

So this was the part I was initially most worried about (in retrospect maybe it should have been the removal, but I guess I worry about one problem at a time). Without reading the instructions because I know a few people who've used it I had an idea of how it works, I folded the little sucker in half and wedged it up in there. It feels like it fits snugly and at the same time it feels like nothing at all. So now I've had it in for about an hour and I don't mind it.

Only after did I read the instructions and let me tell you, some of them made me chuckle.

---

You can wear the cup when you go to the bathroom, but after defecating check if the cup is still in position. 

Just wasn't expecting it and it made me chuckle. Definitely will check after pooping now. Actually I'll probably remove it if I'm pooping to be honest... the idea of fishing it out of the toilet is more disturbing than the idea of taking it out for a bit. 

The cup is not a contraceptive and does not protect against sexual transmissible diseases. Don't wear during sexual intercourse. 

Okay, so who thought it would be a good idea to fuck with one of these things in? I, for one, don't feel like there's room.

Keep away from children and animals, specially rodents.

I get the wanting to keep it away from kids and pets... but why specifically rodents? Please cup creators, if you read this one day, fill me in. What does the cup do to Mickey and Jerry?

---

I plan to empty it out before bed tonight and use it through the night. So I'll pop back here in the morning to update you (whoever you are you sexy mystery person interested in period cups) on how it all went.

In the meantime here are some videos I found while trying to find the video about the environmental impact of pads and tampons.

Stuff Mom Never Told You

Buzzfeed: Women Try Menstrual Cups

Also the app I've been using to track my period is called Clue and I highly recommend it. This is the first time it's been off and it has a lot of other great tracking features to help you monitor your sleeping habits, your mood and a bunch of other stuff.

Tata until the morning lovies!