A date I'm pretty sure was orchestrated by Satan

To put it bluntly last night I experienced the date from my child free nightmares last night and this seemed like the most worthwhile place to tell my story…

To preface this the man already knew that I don’t want to have kids, that there’s nothing he can do to change my mind and he was disappointed by this but we agreed to go out to see if we could still be friends.

We get to this sushi restaurant that he says is the best place he’s ever been for sushi and as soon as we’re seated he waves the waitress over asking for water and then proceeds to tell me what we’re ordering because he can’t be bothered to let me skim the menu. Fine, he’s familiar with the place so I’m content to let him choose. Before the waitress returns with our drinks he gets up and tells me that he needs to talk to the chef about his special custom roll that he has here that’s not on the menu. When he returns he starts complaining about how the water hasn’t arrived. (I’m going to save myself some typing and let you know that he complained about getting water the entire time, I’m a little concerned that he was on something that made him incredibly thirsty) When the server returns with our drinks he explains to her what he wants, starts to tell her that he doesn’t want this specific kind of fish and then thinks better of it because I might like it and then tells her that he’s already talked to the chef about this custom roll and that it’s like this other roll on the menu.

Then once that’s all settled he then starts asking me why I don’t want to breed and the bingos begin and to my credit I answered all of his questions as best I could without telling him to shove it.

“Why don’t you want to have kids?”

• I don’t want to
• I like coming home to a quiet house and not having to take care of a kid after work.
• The idea of pregnancy and labour scare me to death.
• The idea of being responsible for raising a kid that isn’t a serial killer or a jerk is overwhelming.
• Kids are crying, pooping, money guzzlers.
• My genetics are bad. My mother had Crohn’s disease and died from cancer, her father was schizophrenic, my dad’s side are all alcoholics, I have severe psoriasis that I’m on medication for, I have depression and anxiety
• Epigenetics: the generations before me smoked and otherwise lead unhealthy lives so my offspring could suffer because of that.
• Humanity is already a scourge on the environment as it is and I don’t need to add to that.

“How will you feel fulfilled without being a mother?”

• Friends and family
• Travel
• My dog is amazing

 “You know you’re reducing your dating pool by being against children, right?”

• Considering I’m also an atheist and I can’t be bothered to deal with stupid people the dating pool is already pretty small and I’m okay with that. I am happy to be alone if the “one” doesn’t happen to cross my path.

“Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?”

• Friends and family
• My cat will happily eat my dead body and I’m okay with that.

“What if you meet you dream guy and he wants kids?”

• My dream guy doesn’t want kids either.

“But God wants you to.”

• I’m an atheist.
• God can suck it up, he gave me free will and my will is to be child free.

“God made childbirth painful because Eve committed the original sin.”

• And I can opt out of having to experience that.
• I’m more of a Lilith kind of girl.

“How could you know that you don’t want kids when you were so young?”

• How did you know you wanted kids so young?
• I hate kids.

These are but the ones I remember the day after and whenever I tried to change the subject he kept circling back to it. Then after my telling him I can’t handle spicy food he guilted me into eating his “special custom roll” which was slathered in spicy sriracha mayo and I wanted to cry.

And for kicks, other ridiculous things he said:

“I’m an atheist too, but one day I’m going to be a good person and become a Christian.”
…Uh what?

“Catholics aren’t real Christians because they baptize their children and raise them in the faith before they can decide for themselves.”
….I’m sorry, don’t Christians do the same thing? Maybe without the baby baptism?

“Spicy food evolved as a preservative for man.”
…Evolution doesn’t revolve around humans. And spicy plants evolved to be spicy to deter mammals from eating it so birds (who don't taste spiciness) would get to eat it and spread the plant's seeds far and wide with their poops.

By the end of it I wondered if my friends had somehow managed to prank me. They didn’t. 

I kind of wish it had been a prank.